Ten years later, I had given up on ever remembering my early years or being creative again. An 80s hit single altered everything.
The problem with losing all memories when you wake up is that you don’t know what you’ve lost until other people start telling you who you should be. That was the start of my adventure twenty years ago.
I was 19 years old when I woke up from a life-threatening car crash and the operation that followed to remove a blood clot from my brain. Even though my back hurt, I was still able to move and speak. However, a lot was absent. I was still alive, but I was not the adolescent that night when the black taxi struck me as I was crossing the street. He has vanished. My childhood memories were gone.
My mind was full of enquiries. Everything was fresh. Initially, the questions were brief, straightforward, and firmly grounded in the present. What is an ice cream cone? How can I get the music to start? Who do they represent?
Then I pressed ‘skip’ one more time, and that’s when it happened – the most surreal moment of my life
I was very fortunate to have a family who supported me at home while I recovered. There was so much to learn and with every answer came more questions; soon, the questions became bigger and tougher. What am I going to do with my life? How can I get a job when I don’t remember school? Who am I, really?
I discovered a drawer in my bedroom that was jam-packed with scripts, articles, and artwork that bore my name. None of it recognised me. Though I knew I had a vivid imagination, my drawing was not up to that level. I was having trouble reading and writing, but I knew I enjoyed storytelling. It was difficult to accept that I had once been this intelligent, artistic child who had ostensibly wanted to become a writer. How I wanted to be him once more.
Then I was told that it was possible that my memories might not actually be gone, they were just hard to reach. Maybe something from my past could jog them. My hopes ballooned. I just needed to find a key, and so my search began. I went to a lot of the places I was told I had been to as a child, all the parks and shops and old schools. I went to places we’d been to on holiday and travelled the tube on the routes I had taken in my teens. We tried everything, but as time went on, the boy with my name in so many stories and grainy photographs remained another person in another world.The night before my 30th birthday, I decided to try to accept that he was simply gone – for ever. I was planning a 1980s-themed party and had started preparing a playlist of 80s music. It was late. I went to bed, plugged my earphones in and closed my eyes. I started skipping from one classic to the next, adding each tune to the playlist. After 10 years of listening to the radio, I knew them all by heart.
Then I hit “skip” once more, and that’s when it happened—the most bizarre thing I’ve ever experienced. The Waterboys’ “The Whole of the Moon,” a song I had somehow not heard in all that time, started to play, and I instantly felt transported.
I was sitting on an unfamiliar blue floor and gazing at a silver stereo. Abruptly, I was strolling in the radiant sunlight, grasping the hand of a massive man. In an instant, I found myself in yet another intriguing location where I noticed coloured glass lights atop a massive Christmas tree that loomed over me. There was a woman standing in a doorway near the tree. She had blonde hair, seemed cheerful, and was young. She was my mother. It was real; I was her little boy. It had finally happened—I was there with her.
Even though it was only a little period, the fact that it was mine altered everything. It kindled a spark inside of me, and a story suddenly burst into my mind. I was aware that picking up writing again would be challenging, but it wasn’t unachievable. And you can accomplish anything if it’s not insurmountable.
I pulled that little child’s dream—which he had when he was nine years old—out of the drawer. At 39 years old, I have a shiny novel with my name on it that is the first in a new series about a boy who wakes up in a different planet and has no memory of the previous one. To obtain the strength he’ll need to stop a villain who is causing everyone to forget, he needs to locate his memories.
Twenty years later, I still recognise the extent of my losses from the collision, but I also know that it didn’t stop me; instead, I managed to overcome it and discover my true self.
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